>be strayan
>get bit on dick
>A 21-year-old Australian tradesman has been bitten by a venomous spider on the penis for a second time.
>The man was using a portable toilet on a Sydney building site on Tuesday, when he suffered a repeat of the incident five months ago.
Shitposting IRL bonus:
>many of his workmates were quick to see the lighter side of the situation. "They got worried the first time," he said. "This time they were making jokes before I was getting in the car."
Other urls found in this thread:
en.wikipedia.org
youtube.com
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Post the real article link. CTR is phishing for IPs now.
Doesn't this happen to everyone?
>Spider bites Australian man on penis
not news
>again
doubly not news
>Australian bites spider on the dick
news
I don't even like it when a girl scrapes her teeth
>again
I love this country
All banter aside how do Australians not just live in perpetual fear of weird shit crawling into bed with them or being on the hot choco mix when they pick it up to put on their cereal in the morning?
Ignore it.
Spider became a dick
Probably just a level of conditioning.
If you live your whole life knowing that you need to check your shoes for deadly spiders and that there could be a snake in the toilet, it's just what's normal to you rather than registeringas a threat
>again
why does this keep happening? one of the first things I learned as a little kid was to avoid putting fingers under outside furniture cause spiders, and to avoid piles of logs/wood cause sneks
on the plus side the victim sounds like he has a good sized dick
In Australia, do you have that joke about sucking the venom out of the wounded area?
>again
Emu active measures?
t-they're just trying to intimidate us, right?
Australia, why are you still a 3rd world nation?
Is it really that bad? How often do you hear about people getting hurt by animales on average?
can you please post the original vid?
Because you won't annex us and make us the 53rd state
>Is it really that bad?
yeah it's really like that, it's ok though cause it's just normal behaviour to watch out for redbacks & browns/red bellies/death adders
tbqh senpai the most dangerous stuff here is very small, like bush ticks that carry typhoid, mosquito-borne diseases, brain-eating amoebas in stagnant water and Hendra virus that flying foxes spread etc
I have to say that I really started hating and fearing spiders when I woke up multiple times with a bite that could not have happened unless they got into my boxers while I was asleep.
They fucking tried to mess with my cock and balls, so I made them suffer and die.
> not living in comfy New Zealand where nothing can kill you
SPIDER BLOWJOB SPIDER BLOWJOB
SHOOT THE WEB SHOOT THE WEB
SPIIIIIIIIIDER BLOWJOB.
Eh, it probably wasn't even the same spider.
Venom in your penis fetish is more likely
Fucking Australians
There was a huge black out in South Australia last night.
Don't worry, cops got him.
No, because that is the most dumbfuck idea I've ever heard. Only Americans are stupid enough to think of it, let alone attempt something like that.
Nothin besides slippery trails.
I've been bitten by a redback. It wasn't so bad. I guess I'm one of the lucky few who tolerate it well.
Some people ask for limbs to be cut off.
...
Holy shit. How the fuck did your ancestors live long enough to build towns?
>for a second time.
Laughed audibly
Yeah, but then you'd have to actually live in New Zealand
>bj from spider waifu
noice
Being a nation of snakes, spiders and shitposters, one may think you'd have a few jokes about it
lol probably by having 10 kids per family
plus if abos survived for 30k years here then it can't be all that hard to do
Australia is great, I've been there and there's almost nothing about your country I don't like
Except Melbourne
When I was young, my father used to put his keys in a cage we filled with 20-30 redbacks. He got sick of her stealing his keys all the time so that fixed the problem immediately.
Australian humour is not just saying the stupidest thing we can.
Yes, it's really that bad. Even the plants want to kill you. There's one particular type of leafy plant that has a toxin that on contact, makes it feel like you're being electrocuted and burned with acid at the same time (one way that it's been described). It's so bad that people and animals have been known to kill themselves to escape the pain.
Despite all that, not that many people actually get hurt because we are all conditioned from birth to avoid the danger
Just get lucky enough to survive the mass famines to bully the abos for their secrets
His crotch now has the power of a spider coursing through it.
He is, Spider Benis
Good question.
Oh, I know that plant. I've seen it but people are very quick to point it out to you so you know not to touch it.
I forget what it is called.
yeah fuck Melbourne
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B R I S B A N E
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>you will never ride down fleeing abo families on your stock horse with sabre in hand, cleansing the lands for future white colonisation
fml
I thought that plant wasn't a toxin, but it was basically covered in what amounts to fiber glass which fucks up your skin upon contact
Who am I kidding, both those plants probably exist there
When I went camping, I woke up and after getting out of my sleeping bag, found a mother funnel-web with a whole bunch of babies inside.
She stayed in there sleeping with me without any concerns whatsoever.
Most of the dangerous animals don't WANT to bite you. Just don't go poking them and you're fine.
Also, tap your shoes out before putting them on.
NO FUCK YOU
SPIDERS ARE ONE OF THE FEW WORKS OF SATAN THAT WILL COME BITE YOU FOR NO GOD DAMNED REASON WHILE YOU WERE LITERALLY DIN DUING NOTHING
FUCK SPIDERS, ALL OF THEM
it's the gympie gympie
It's both
Yeah I just found it.
en.wikipedia.org
I'm glad I never tried to touch it to see how bad it actually is. I was kind of a curious kid.
I've poked a few blue-rings in my time.
wait are u tricking me I thought funnelwebs were especially aggressive spiders on top of being worlds most venomous...
Says you. Fucking centipede crawled into my swag and bit the fuck out of me.
>brain eating amoeba in stagnant water
So if i somehow got stagnant water splashed on me, I would be completely fucked? Jesus christ
Cairns and Byron bay were the places that made the biggest impression on me. Unfortunately I couldn't spend any time in Brisbane except for driving through it
Nah they are especially defensive.
They never chase you, they just rear up in a defensive posture.
We get tonnes of them in the mountains here (blue mountains), and I've never once seen someone get close to biting someone.
Who is dumb enough to poke a reared up funnel-web?
Nice try
Spider Benis, Spider Benis,
Does whatever a benis can
Cums a web, any size,
Catches girls just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Spider Benis.
Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He's got radioactive cum.
Can he fuck from a thread
Aim your pussy overhead
Hey, there
There goes the Spider Benis.
Spider Benis, Spider Benis
Friendly neighborhood Spider Benis
Wealth and fame
He's ignored
Girl on girl action is his reward.
To him, life is a great big bang up
Wherever there's a hang up
You'll find the Spider Benis
Wait until the muslims start shitting in your pools, rivers, and lakes. You'll never want to go in the water again.
Blue rings should be fine long as you keep away from its beak
Had a huge spider in my shoe a few weeks ago, cunt nipped my little toe
God damn centipedes man. Them and those blasted carnivorous grasshoppers. I've been bitten by those too many times to count.
lol you'd be unlucky to catch it that way, they burrow into the brain cavity through the inside of your nose, so it's mainly people who go swimming in some brown dam or swamp who get eaten by it. they can't burrow in elsewhere... I think
tbqh senpai just avoid water that isn't clear and/or running
Yeah but apparently you don't feel the bite of its beak. you only notice the paralysis setting in. Gotta be careful with them.
Still. fun to poke and watch them glow blue.
was it the same spider, or was it spiders relative who came to avenge his brothers death?
>flying foxes
wow!
>do a spinny flip!
I'm more afraid of frill neck lizards, they shoot blood at you and you can get sicker than a spider bite.
I've woken up with spiders on my hand before. You just sort of put your hand against a wall, hope it crawls away and try to go back to sleep.
I'm more afraid of aboriginals, they shoot petrol at you and you can get hepatitis B from them.
I was masturbating one time and the fucker straight up started falling down on it's web right towards my dick. Just roping it's way down towards my cock so I bitch slapped the fucker and masturbated with it's corpse.
More worried about scabies from aborigionals.
They're easier to catch
Happened to my father in law while he was asleep. Black widow right on the tip of his dick.
A male red back spider (not as dangerous as the female). Crawled into my bed when I was asleep, and bit the top of my hand. Hand instantly went painful, and weakened. Pain has largely gone over two weeks now, but it's painful to move my wrist around.
Little fucker's two teeth marks still on my hand. I'm taking anti-flammatories and antibiotics for it. Fucking cunt has costed me $200 so far in Doctors appointments.
Why don't you just put out a lot of glue traps? They catch all kinds of shit, even mice, and then you can sleep without bullshit crawling all over you.
You can even keep watch of what gets caught so you know what your score is and whether or not there's something bad that managed to lay eggs near you.
Why do people do this?
The spiders in my house are there for a reason; they eat other bugs. I once had a massive huntsman, about 15cm across, living in my room and we got along great.
The only insects I don't like are fucking cockroaches and flies. Oh and those damn grasshoppers. The spiders eat them so I don't have to worry about them.
Looks like we found the sick cunt who IS here to fuck spiders.
I once let the spiders proliferate in my house on that assumption. You know what happened? They left cobwebs everywhere and nothing happened to the bugs.
Fuck spiders. They're useless shits that make me have to clean up after them. I can take better care of all the rest of the nonsense on my own. Not in my house. Not even once.
t. spider
You don't have free health care? You'd think after the emu war...
straya has this adorable lil thing tho
I wish a spider gave me a blowjob
why are spiders so sexy
Huntsmen don't spin webs. There's your problem.
You need some good old friendly aussie spiders in your house.
Oh and did you forget to read the part where they fucking bit me repeatedly while I was comfy asleep in my blankets almost right on my dick?
Maybe you don't understand how to deal with Jews, who did much worse to me. You kill them all immediately and without remorse until they're gone.
Nope. $70 for a 10 minute appointment with either a black, indian or arab. I get it a bit cheaper down to $58 with a concession card, due to my unemployment.
Orcs
I don't know about huntsmen in particular, but the hunting spiders are the worst. They fucking run like hell out of nowhere to bite you and hide where you can't crush them after you get the lights on.
Hence the glue traps. Die motherfuckers die.
>Australian humour is not just saying the stupidest thing we can.
[citation needed]
Go to a bulk billing practice you retard.
youtube.com
These guys are harmless. Yeah, it's a small one but they are pretty chill, even as adults.
Small town, to keep fat useless office sluts employed, they took away bulk billing.
If he was in the Sydney area he should've been watching out.
Big harmless spiders are OK, but only when they're kept in cages or tanks. I would even touch a tarantula.
Spiders roaming around my house are not OK. There's plenty of outside they could live in. Spiders in my house die on sight.
Well that's a real shame. I've had many a spiderbro live with me over the years.
Maybe try just putting them outside?
if you're going to put a spider on ur dick aussies, fucking post on here about it first
I imagine all Australians have their own shitposting version Jiminy Cricket
You cunts are really interesting. Would really never wants to live on this shitty continent
Thing is they start breeding and then there are spiders everywhere. They're almost as bad as fruit flies. It's not that I enjoy killing lesser beings, but sometimes you just need to get rid of them.
Kind of like setting out a mouse trap and killing that shit dead when you hear it clawing around because otherwise you're going to have a much bigger problem on your hands soon.
Serves the shitucunt right
Fuck off sweden, spiders are not adorable unless inside a box with no chance of escape and a thick glass viewing pane.
It's just a spider you fucking pussy
Russel Coight's All Aussie Adventure.
That scene is the end of episode 1.
Spiders are safer than (((Syrians))).
The legs aren't even the problem. The problem is they have bodies and when you smash them it squirts out.
Fortunately most only have contractive muscle tissue and rely on internal guts pressure for extensor action, so once you puncture the body they just curl up and die.
Spiders dont explode but they can slowly kill you like the non terorrists do
SPIDER LAW NOW
>be australian man
> have an unhealthy sexual fetish for spiders
>it just bit me guys I swear....
>best country in the world since 1901
Found a few of these cuddly little guys in my where I sleep over the years but it's not as bad if you don't live near trees.
I got bitten on the ass by one these
Funny cunt.
Living around the suburban area I've met the friendlier ones.
Huntsman spiders especially, if they're not rearing up and you don't press them down you can pat their behinds like a pet, it's adorable.
Also we have a defense mechanism in cellar spiders/daddy long leg spiders as they tend to hang around and bite the deadlier smaller spiders such as the redback.
>for a second time.