/brit/

I thought I was giving him a glass of beer! Edition

Other urls found in this thread:

liveleak.com/view?i=55c_1383668264
abc.net.au/news/2016-07-17/black-lives-matter-rally-in-melbourne/7636082
dougiewallace.com/shoreditch/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

gas the huns

having a go

>be british
>don't get shot

Check and mate

>be british
>get raped by pakis

skyline from suburbs

reminder to start lifting if you don't already

forthcoming meme grab tune is actually good, feel a bit embarrassed hehe.

TAKING A RISK

HAVING A PUNT

HAVING A GO

THAT PUMPS ME UP

i would but i dont like my local gym

I just had the best gym session ever /fit/, and I want to tell you about it.

Backstory: Mother left my dad when I was 4, haven't seen him since. Was always told that he was abusive so I never gave a shit about him. Have since learnt that mother was just a greedy whore who cheated on him, moved out the second I was 18 and searched for my dad but to no avail. Have a few possessions he gave me, including a few pictures of us as a family and one of us together at a park or something.

Gym about 2 weeks ago

>deadlifting like a baws
>big scottish guy who I've seen there for the last 2 years comes over and asks me my name
>he's offered me a spot before, so it's not like he's a complete random
>tell him my first name
>he nods and walks away, we continue our workouts

>today at gym
>DB shoulder pressing
>struggling on last rep, stalled at the midpoint
>can't get it up, but don't want to let it down
>scottish guy comes over and just gently taps my elbows in, giving me the little bit of extra force I need to push it out
>say thanks, tell him if he ever needs help I'll give him a spot
>he tells me there's one thing he needs help with
>"Yeah sure, what's up?"
>"I need help finding my son. Know who he is?"
>he holds up the very same picture of me and my dad in the park
>lose my shit, start bawwing in the gym
>I found my dad

And to think /fit/, if it wasn't for you guys I would have never started gym and never would have found my dad.
>th...thanks /fit/

is this city american

i just do calisthenics and a few dumbbell exercises in my room

Friend wants me to come join the gym tomorrow and start for real hmmmm

BIGSBY NO!

This desu senpai
D.A.K. 16.10.16

wish my dad was still alive

find another gym there's gotta be more than one unless your town consists of like 100 people

do it

gotta be fit for the fight la

no. it is northen european. another view from it.

yeah there is but i don't drive

If it's Northern European where are the Turkish flags

the us has better zoning regulations than that

that is 100% a russian city

bring it here fám
*hugs you*

how is britain not european?

when is Cred Forums getting emojis?

The fact that the two have conflicted politically for centuries and that it's literally a fucking island

it used to have them and got rid of them

Idk maybe something to do with not being located on the continent of Europe?

I'm sure they were available a while back. like they actually worked

how long until corbyn's 65-70% victory is confirmed lads

aww yes my favourite poster is back

Literally the next election mate

when will filters be removed

feel a bit mentally ill

it is, but edgy kids like to say its not. Its just not got the moveable borders that most of Europe has had for some time.

might have a morning wank

i don't see any benefits so cba

Lads I need to be given something to do with my day quickly before I fucking waste it.

it is a part of the geopolitical continent of europe

ignore these autists

>be british
>get rapied by asians
You racist fuck

>Britain is european

The three words that reveal you're a jock on /brit/

see how many times you can wank before blood comes out

i have somthing planned for this afternoon but i cant be arsed with taking a shower and stuff. fuck

thank you mate.

considering you're in france, no one will notice if you didn't shower

...

haha thats funny
fetch a rope

having some bread, cheese, and pickled onions lads

i know there's a name for this but i can't remember

>still have diarrhea

send help

>happily in a relationship for 11 years
>decide to get married
>relationship implodes in under 18 months when the woman realises she holds all the power

Why do men continue to do this? It's %current_year people!

food?

My mum hasn't talked to me for a month now because I didn't bring her or anyone else back a souvenir from a work trip, the only thing I bought was a stupid t-shirt I saw in the airport.

Am I right in thinking this is utterly mental? Last time she didn't talk to me for a month was because she was bringing stuff to my house and I didn't have any milk for her to make tea with.

Saying these things out loud sounds nuts, these are things my dad told me I should apologise for because she's thrown a shit fit, even though he agrees it's stupid.

Are all women like this?

ah yes

put onions and cheese on bread. put them on oven. you will have tasty food.

Ploughman's lunch

well, a meagre attempt at one anyway loool

>Are all women like this?
yes

a ploughmans
though you're missing the pickles

fuck off i'm not eating your halal foods rasheed

>Are all women like this?

yes but not to the extent of your mother

go to a second hand bookshop
buy some books
start reading

i think what i suggested is italian food.

>rasheed

how did you learn my name?

that's the one

what am i missing? i thought pickled onion was still considered pickle

husbands just apologise because they know women do things that are completely irrational and you cant argue with them

I AM THE ONLY ACCREDITED FRENCHMAN IN THIS THREAD
TAKE NOTICE
ANY OTHER FRENCHMAN CAN AND WILL BE SUED FOR TRESPASSING

She's definitely mental mate. Is she menopause age? Hormonal change is make her irrational.

nerd

the frenchposter in /éire/ is much better desu

Can't take you seriously if you don't read

Hear about the latest police killing in the US? The blacks are claiming the victim was carrying a book not a gun. They could have come up with something plausible, blacks don't read.

Fuck off to /oire/ then if you don't appreciate our French poster.

Do they know they're fucking nuts and just don't care or do they think these sorts of small things a bloke would just shrug off are legitimate problems?

I will once """"normie"""" hours on /brit/ start

morning lads

ummm not really hun x

okay nerd

still no sign of my student loan lads ffs

alright thicko

...

>posting on /eire/

he must be the lowest of the low
i bet his family doesn't even own one (1) ((I)) frog farm

>i read books so i must be smart
tears

VERY impressive

More people have died in Chicago in 2016 so far than died in armed conflict in Somalia over the entire course of 2015, according to statistics from an Amnesty International annual report.

/eire/ is comfy
you only have to check it every 10 mins or so

pickled something, but you're meant to have relish on it

Haven't felt horny in weeks lads. You know like when you can still get hard and wank but when you tug there's no sexual energy or excitement, it's just bland and empty.

Not even on antidepressants or anything.

my parents gone on holiday
and my brother is of to uni
i invited this foreign friend from uni to stay at mine for 2 weeks to try and find a job in the uk

she's a woman in her 30s

made a very poor attempt of saying good night last night desu

it's well established that most women are rather mental
and a lot of them will joke about it and pass it off as normal behavior

if a man acted as insane as a woman he'd be institutionalised

How is russia not european?

Black "people"

subscribed

What Gayme is this? seems fun is it that cities skylines

Does she know about your crippling Cred Forums addiction

good morning :)

not very impressive

Might go for a walk around town and see all the new students who've probably turned up by now.

@65283331
*crosses arms and looks away from you*

yes it's cities skylines

>Police investigate reports photos of Royal Family were stolen in hack of Pippa Middleton's iCloud account

Pippa nudes when

>iCloud
are people retarded lmao

sick of the sight of this non entity

Was this the famous Cred Forums they talk about

having pizza and beer lads


tonight's fuckin GOING OFF haha

the hacker known as Cred Forums has done it again

imagine taking a shit in the shower and then stomping it down the drain?

Royalties owed: £0.004p

no it was some pikey with a big net catching the photo particles while they were floating up to the cloud

no
i said to her 'you're going to stop thinking im' a hip young person because all my friends are gone away and i'm literally going to do nothing'

and she said 'don't worry, i didn't think you were like a hip young person anyway.'

too close to touch

are you going to shag her

longing for companionship but loving being alone
there truly is no happiness to be found

cant wait till she fucks some chad in his early 20s on your sofa whilst you cry and wank to the sounds coming through the wall desu

died from violence you mean? Otherwise that isn't very surprising.

probably not

im just keeping here to stave off my own loneliness and to help her realise her dream of not having to live in a shithole country.

>'H-hey user, you're a r-really a-attractive guy!'

What did she mean by this?

its ok she's not my gf, she was some weird sort of mother figure for me at uni.

I used to tell her aobut the girls i was getting with and stuff.

> all those asian grills who are like half the fucking size of me giving me "that" smile

oh god i want to fuck them so hard

honda civic tdi

opinions

Its cool user i was only messing you about.

>You look really cute in this picture user!

Literally can not tell if this means i usually look like shit or if i look cute normally

cannot take that gearstick seriously

>cute

girls call pugs cute

are you referring to the one on the dashboard? that's the pre 2006 models

i've got some branston pickle in the kitchen, will that do?

I bet Pippa has a lovely tidy fanny

*does an aeropress*

oh yes
definitely

branston pickle is lovely stuff

k

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

yeah

don't want to speak to you if you're a billionaire desu

piss off :)

>all those girls that are like twice the size of me in terms of width and height giving me "that" smile

send help

>tfw you get her panties off and it's a meaty mess

having a think

always thought to 'glass' somebody meant to buy them a drink

also used to think that to fist someone was to punch them

>tfw loads of pajeet girls keep flirting with me

>cycling back from gym
>pajeet girl literally staring at me as i pass her

fascinating

*walks away and talks to someone else*

>tfw your doner kebab looked more like a fanny

pruning my porn collection has my hard drive is full

labour party implosion followed by united against leicester

doesn't look like I'll be leaving the house any time soon

>eating halal meat
>giving money to pakis

dont do this

Actual retard. I can only Excuse JFs from meme countries that got confused by [Glass Him] desu

i just put mine on an external hard drive

*nicks it*

good post

is fitizen here?

i need to send you an email mate

i'll do what i fucking want you beanhead

wew

liveleak.com/view?i=55c_1383668264

ok paki lover

*is mildly annoyed but chuckles to himself at the surprise you'll get when you discover it's almost entirely scat*

>tfw pretty girl shows you affection

gf just sent me this

Asian lover*

Got pied so many times last night hahahaha
At least I try though

>thinks pakis own kebab shops

they're all turks mate

*the person you start talking to is me*

*i throw my drink at you and walk away without talking to anyone else*

this

good lad

doesn't look like your 3rd eye will be opened any time soon either

and? still mudslimes. dont give them money.

oh dear

no they're not

any paki can get a roll of donner, some chicken tikka and mutton, and then combine it with some limb salad in a naan

literal edgelords

don't forget to tip on your way out

>Why yes I AM preserving the white race by refusing to buy kebabs from hardworking business owners

ok mo

>knowing the difference between a paki and a turk

chinese food is better

salt and pepper chips are delicious

that's just upsetting

girls always smile at me at work but I don't know if they're just being polite or fancy me

Maccas > Hungry Jacks (burger kings for you poms and yanks)

prove me wrong.

it seems you're in the wrong place, off you go

my grandad in the pic

Let me give you a hint

It's the first one

Let It Be Known

That I Lost My Virginity Last Night

thanks and goodbye

polite smiles dont show teeth, autist

did they even attempt to save him

kfc is clearly the better option

>kfc
>good

ok jamal

Fucking hell. My mum went into my room and took all my washing which included my cum socks.

Just got home and saw this in my room..

do you also support Arsenal?

(im insinuating that you're black)

na

mcdonalds doesn't taste like real food

burger king tastes like something you made yourself at home

kfc is fucking shit

>he fell for the riley sticka is actually josh smuin ruse

literally lmao

>eating meat

>kfc

fuck off jamal

>he thinks reverse image search doesn't exist

mong.

>burger king tastes like something you made yourself at home

Four women have been shot dead and a man critically injured at a shopping centre in Burlington, Washington state.

>needing lotion to wank
yanks are a mysterious lot

ah yes

i'm probably the most rorke here, kfc is good value for money

Mummy and daddy are dropping my little brother to uni so I'm smoking a cheeky spliff in my room

Following the Labour leadership announcement this morning in Liverpool, football fans sitting in the Kop will unfurl a banner supporting Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell just before kick off in their match against Hull City today.

its also probably halal meat so dont buy it.

but it was a gun free zone! it was illegal for him to take that gun in there! he must have disobeyed that sign in the window, curses

good lad

Think I've finally broken the fizzy drink habit lads.

Almost a week gone and don't really fancy one.

>weed smokers on /brit/ are literal children

ahh yes

off to the archery range

im cut myself right but even if you're cut you don't need lotion.

shitzen will be triggered by this

and at the same exact time the FBI and politico released more information incriminating hillary and also obama now as well

halal chicken is no different to normal chicken

> when you're lying down and she's sucking you off and her long soft hair falls down and tickles your stomach and crotch and thighs

Fucking hell lads it's good

Apart from the fact that it triggers Rorkes to no end

no its not

Ah yes of course, people are only shot in the U.S. by the gubment to distract from more important news
Gun violence doesn't exist

Why do Labour bang on about really poor people so much when they're no where near a large enough voting base to get them into power.

except it was touched by a deranged paki who said a prayer over it as it bled to death. no thanks.

good lad

wouldn't suprise me to be honest

Slowly improving my life lads.

No longer an overdraft indebted neet who lives off chocolate I'm getting somewhere.

Exercise, moisturising, living in a clean environment, have savings, have a decentish job, read lots, come on the ocmputer a lot less.

It's turning around lads.

>Tfw some football firm blokes were having bants with me at gym

wish I could speak spanish lads

well done :)

FONT

How is /GF2016/ coming along lads?

Fuck OFF FONT

get over yourself you 12 year old

and yet here you are

Windows NT (Normie Twat)

Me and your mother are so proud at how far you've came user!
*ruffles your hair*

did you get bantered off lad?

lol rasheed got triggered

FUCK
OFF

>come on the ocmputer a lot less.

fuck off then

Good my lad, very good.

Thanks lads!

I've learnt to enjoy a healthy amount of Cred Forums though.

I used to spend all day here, now I'll spend an hour max before goign to read or something productive.

It's quite nice. Kind of like eating junk food. If you keep eating it you just eat it for the sake of eating it and stop enjoying it, but if you have some only once in a while it tastes great.

How do I learn to cook food that isn't just boiling noodles or pasta?

My parents never taught me how to cook.

What's your networth lads?

That's all your savings, assets and things like retirement money etc minus your debts and other negatives.

Probably about 6-7k here, bit shit really.

any australians here from melbourne?

text to mob up

sperm burper INCORPORATED

>touched
>prayer
>bled to death

go work in a fucking abattoir before you make such retarded statements

buy a student cook book

they always have basic recipes

recipe books

you sound like a cunt

Wouldn't admit to it even if I were

google

if only you had access to all the information collated by mankind at your fingertips. wouldn't that be great?

you fucking retard

Why? You just sound really angry at the world for some reason.


Typical response of losers. Good people want to see you succeed, losers want to see you fail like them.

about 20k

the internet?
books?
experimentation?

yeah mate just on holiday at the mo

feeling rather alpha today lads

who wants a smack?

not him but now you seem like a right twat

fuck off

Will that teach me proper basic shit like how long to boil potatoes or cook chicken for without killing myself?

Most cooking websites are shit, they all say different times/temperature for everything, nothing's consistent.

nob off, the lot of you

*rams a chainsaw through your lower back*

me x

beans on a fry up lads.

yay or nay

nah they were mirin me

>set up 3 1/2 pl8s on the squat rack
>just about to go in and do it
>they're like 'wew lad you're really gonna do that much?'
>i'm like 'y-yeah'
>one (has team's initials tattooed on his head) of them is like 'haha why man, i never train legs' *shows skinny legs*
>'I'm trying to get into powerlifting, and I also read it raises test'
>'haha lad, I have shit in syrignes that raises my test'
>'yea aha'

feels good to be making friends at gym 2bh.

lets go cunt

do one, nobody cares

Just got a new hat lads

Must be another loser who's jealous.

Reminder you will never try real London Chips

rude, we are the best city by far

bet you're from shitbane or shitney

>Will that teach me proper basic shit like how long to boil potatoes or cook chicken for without killing myself?
the internet my friend

its not just for /brit/posting

do you actually have a subnormal IQ mate? jesus fucking christ you're stupid

*it was a hologram*

>Victoria Derbyshire hosting the Labour leadship coverage

nah you're alright

Just picked up the hottest album of 2016

jealous of what exactly?

ok i will. thank you mr ambiguous paki expert.

not even a question bruv, beans are essential

how to boil potatoes:
chop up peeled potatoes and put them into a pot of boiling water with some salt added
they're done when you can stick a fork in them

and for chicken look it up on the internet

times are dependant on your oven so you might have to experiment a bit first

>he calls chips 'crisps'

creasing

Yes

>'people' that can't cook

binned.

Jap lezzies IN

The new hat I was mentioning

>Melbourne talking down to any city
You're worse than London lad
abc.net.au/news/2016-07-17/black-lives-matter-rally-in-melbourne/7636082

>inb4 b-but muh cafes

*sniffs the air*

...Blairites

k yank.

dog asleep on my foot at this moment

>he uses kilometres

actually howling at australians

>worse than London

what does this even mean, London is probably the greatest city on earth right now.

alri rasheed

...

I just can't be bothered after a long day at work desu.

its all memes lad

australia would be nothing without melbourne you slimy runt

at least our suburbs aren't full of mussies like sydney's

see You're delusional lad

not since fabric closed

if you mistake your and you're

i don't think we'll get along

dougiewallace.com/shoreditch/

If this is what the majority of London is like I hope I'm never given a reason to go there.

need my bum licked by a japanese girl

had a mad one last night

Yeah yeah

>lool pakis lmao

there are for more pakis proportionally in any city in the West Mids and North. Not to mention you don't actually see any when hanging out in Hackney/Peckham etc. etc.

It's all very well living in some white rural town but there's precisely fuck all to do there except drink in pubs and post bitter memes about London on Cred Forums.

last night

Unless you are born a literal millionaire with parents who are rich enough to buy you a really fancy flat or even house, what's the point of moving to / living in London?

>Shit air quality that kills thousands every year
>Shit quality of life because everything is so expensive
>Everything is rammed and crowded and you can't even get the tube without breathing in somebody's BO
>Will never own a house, will have to retire and spend your pension paying ridiculous rents for some other millionaire
>Is nothing like the rest of Britain
>You can't just spend twenty minutes driving and go walk in a forest or something

What's the fucking point? It's a great place to visit but fuck me Londoners who think it's the centre of the earth are depressing.

They seem like a top mandem desu

and what exactly do you do in london that's different from anywhere else?

Fabric was an important club and it's scandalous that it was closed, but the clientele was mostly students, tourists and first-timers.

Haven't been in over a year, there are better, if less significant, clubs in London.

me in the middle staring at the girl

What exactly does London offer that's so great if going out on the piss is exactly the same?

>Muh music and arts
Only if you're a gigatwat

>Ahhh yes let me pay 300k to part own this flat on the outskirts above a takeaway

...

>only 'gigatwats' are interested in music and arts

parochial runts say the funniest things

buying shadow cabinet members 25k ea

meet me at the wildy green drags

You just don't get it mate!

the gf

would be good to live there in your twenties and then move to a commuter town in 30s tbqhwy

Repeal the eighth

repeal the corn laws

Everywhere has music and art you tool, there's a particular brand of fart sniffing art that only London has though sure.

that black guy is H U G E

This poster is statistically not white.

2:31 a week today lads

yeah chart music and Warhol prints isn't gonna cut it my man.

I thought this and really want to but feel I'll regret it

>All friends after uni who moved to london seem to have a great time but can literally go out like once a week and have no money saved
>Stayed in my northern town and got a job
>Am able to save, will be able to own a house here one day, a pint doesn't cost a tenner

hmmm

off to my tinder date

thinking a thunk

make money, easier aswell

There are some high paid jobs that you can only get in London - elite law firms, media, ibanking, managment consultancy etc. but I don't get people living in London, working in a shop or something.

>runt clubs

not even once.

I would do it for atleast a few years while you're still young m8

you'll probably regret it if not

wew congrats

Londoncucks are just bitter because they were stupid enough to choose careers that forced them to move there so they project the opposite to save face and make themselves feel better.

Intelligent people choose jobs that allow them to go anywhere due to picking a valuable and marketable qualification.

Comparing Wales and Ireland in my head

would shag all 4 girls

this desu, unless i start earning 80k+ i won't stay in London beyond my 20s.

Can spend my 30s and 40s living in suburbia, no need to do it now though.

good job ignoring my question you useless paki twat

>live in manchester
>things aren't overly expensive
>city isn't overly huge
>people are much friendlier
ah yes much better

>le relevancy!!!!!!!!

come on then cunts

she's got more roots than kunta kinte

>be southerner (not from london)
>pretend to be from london
>poortherners get extremely upset
>london pakis scurry out of the woodwork to defend their own
>sit back and watch
every single time

your hair is a bit frizzy

do one you runt. London is simply synonymous with money making because of its excellent infrastructure. you don't move there for the local curry shops on offer.

Think I need to stop groping every girls arse in the club as I walk through lads

Going to get me in trouble one day

plymouth

Pretty sure i fingered this slag behind factory desu

heh

>It's all very well living in some white rural town but there's precisely fuck all to do there except drink in pubs and post bitter memes about London on Cred Forums.

so there's nothing different apart from more pakis and more money?

good talk

FOP

>Great parks
>Great clubbing scene
>/fa/ as fuck
>living in a great townhouse
>dozens of great pubs, cafes, record shops, restaurants within a 20 mins walk

Rest of the country is on a 18 month delay.

...

Exeter

where?

ah yes let me start my new technology firm in the middle of fucking nowhere instead of a global business and innovation hub

Fabric was used for money laundering