Tell us about some illegal shit you got away with

Tell us about some illegal shit you got away with.
(Cops not allowed in this thread.)

I'll go first:
>back in the day
>be bored suburban retard
>need money
>decide to shoplift something and flip it
>do research to find stuff for sale on eBay
>item has to be worth decent money
>but also something I can readily find near me
>settle on the Rosetta Stone language learning box sets
>(this was before online language apps were a thing)
>at the time I was seeing these box sets sell regularly for $500 a pop new
>I know they're sold at bookstores
>so I scope out the nearest store and sure enough they have 'em
>the language box sets on display are just empty boxes
>you have to ask a sales clerk to get the real box from a locked cabinet
>I test things out and ask to see one
>I'm brought one and find out the real box sets didn't have spider security wraps on them for some reason
>they had the little sticker things, but nothing else
>they probably figured it wasn't necessary since they're locked away
>the heist is go

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>few days later
>I dress nice, wear a tie
>have a bag for a different store (big, easily recognizable logo on it)
>fold the bag up and hide it in the waistband of my pants
>go to the bookstore when it's super busy on a Sunday morning
>grab a basket and put a few books and shit in it like I'm shopping
>I ask to see three different box sets
>clerk is supposed to walk the boxes to the cashier for me because they're so expensive
>but I take me time looking them over
>ask a shit ton of annoying questions
>act wishy washy
>"This is a gift for my dad, but I'm not sure...."
>eventually the clerk has like a hundred people hanging around us waiting for help
>tell the clerk it's okay if she wants to help someone else, I really need to think about things
>she says okay, but when I'm done with the box sets drop them off at the info counter
>"will do!"
>make sure nobody is paying attention to me
>whip out the bag and put 2 box sets into it
>put the 3rd into the shopping basket
>drop the basket off at the info counter
>tell that sales clerk about the box set in my basket
>clerk's like thanks we'll put everything back
>I browse a little bit more just to make sure I'm not being tailed
>coast looks clear
>go to leave
>door alarm goes off
>another clerk approaches me
>I hold up the shopping bag from another store
>clerk sees the bag and waves me through
>sit on everything for another week just in case
>then I sell both box sets on eBay for like $400 each
>felt good

I once sucked a dick and then got robbed, after illegally crossing the border

I'm a 40 year old virgin and I go to the cinema, alone

That is even more gay than what i did brother.

Catfishing paid my car

Damn illegal tranny homos stealing or dicks, jobs, and quads to dubz combos

What? How?

I held up a spoon too high in London while eating beans for breakfast. Their police force are a bunch of nigger muslim loving cucks

>Back when in I was in the Army in 1998
>Got assigned a job
>Old living building being remodeled
>Told to remove tiles from grounds and toss in dumpster
>Never given masks
>One asked but other in charge said not needed
>We did the job without telling anyone
>I got ejected from the army due to lung issues
>Still have them to the day
>Obviously wrong way to get rid of old ceiling tiles, but no one can prove it. Everyone got away from any legal liability
>I've already been hospitalized and given steroid inhalers since.


Going to movies alone is great

I used to shoplift random food items or clothes like a little twerp.

Should've just worked harder and paid for them myself.

To this day I'm a pathetic loser and feel like I've never applied myself even to things like crime, and think about killing myself all the time

>be jobless teen
>Skipping school because friends mother had to go sort family shit out
>Need money for weed and other shit
>Print out sponsorship forms for different school
>Go to the other schools local area
>Knock on every door like Norman's
>Tell them it's a fun run to buy tards new computers
>Rinse and repeat
>One guy gives us old laptop
In sponsorship money alone we made about 200 in a day, sold laptop on eBay
We did it two more times then stopped

The people would give you a cash donation?

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Recived kilos of cocaine and heroin from PR, and pure mdma from canada for 2 years. Got "caught" due to a supposed error on the address. DEA, FBI, MBI, and local sheriff narcotics showed up at my house at 7 am. Basically a DEA agent threw a fedex shirt on and knocked on ky door, I opened it, he asked if I was expecting a package, I said nope sorry, closes the door. 2 seconds later they busted in. They held me in my apartment for 12 hours thinking, waiting for a delivery guy to pick up the goods. Problem for them was that I was the middleman. The night before I knew ot was going to happen, had a sunken feeling. 3 days before that I had 32 kilos. Anyways, got taken to jail, bond was 500k. Luckily for me, my uncle is one of the best criminal defense lawyers in the state. They didnt have a warrant nor suffient proof to prove that the drugs where for me plus they fucked up the discovery. I dodged a minman of 15 years. And for anyone wondering, Inwas getting paid $2,500 per kilo I would accept. Most of my savings went to my uncle. Which was $80k that was 11 years ago. I still do coke and mdma every now and then. Got a really good job, family and a kid. Im lucky.

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>be me
>at friends house smoking weed and drinking gin
>decide to drive home
>think I'm going 10 over, actually going 20 over
>have to close one eye while driving to avoid double vision
>pulled over
>get ticket for 15-20 mph over limit
>cop either can't tell or doesn't know I'm fucking hammered
>get home and have to hold the wall so I don't fall over

I don't know how the fuck I got away with that, but its easily the most illegal thing I've gotten away with


Yes we used the same set up as pic related

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Fucking nice.

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