Cred Forums long story short i have no experience, and really need to get one of those dead end pointless jobs

Cred Forums long story short i have no experience, and really need to get one of those dead end pointless jobs

trouble is im 22 ( long story )

how do i lie on my resume in order to get one? obviously no one would hire a 22 year old with no work experience, no matter how shit the job

i dont want to be a miserable unemployed failure. id do any job no matter how shit

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You could say you've had a years traveling. Or put down a pretend job on your uncle's farm. Then get a family member to vouch for that.
Another option is that you've been caring for a sick family member the last few months. Don't elaborate though, they'll feel uncomfortable about asking and will probably be happy to leave it at that.

and they were all tied up

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Start by getting a job where they don't ask for a resume. Use it to pay your bills while you get an education or learn a trade.

like what?

every job these days asks for a resume. literally every single one

Tell them that you've spent the last 6 years caring for an ailing and declining grandparent.

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what kind of dead-end job asks for a resume? just got talk to the manager/recruiter and tell them you want to work.
>inb4 stfu boomer

dude you're living in a fantasy land. every single dead-end job requires a resume and (once you're not a high school student) previous work experience

You guys are misusing the vernacular. Dead end pointless job may refer to what OP and others in the thread describe, but more often can still be a skilled white collar job that you get stuck in on the "corporate ladder" and so on.

With no skills or no experience you don't go straight to dead end, you are looking for a SHIT, service cuck "mcjob" the type of job that is reserved for high schoolers, retirees, and actually retarded people.

I'd rather kms than lie just to get a shit job. They want work, I'm willing to work. End of fucking story. I'm not applying to be a fucking doctor, I'm just trying to earn some god damn food and they know that.

The fact is, you can get a job at mcdonalds or something with no experience, but fuck lying to them

Why wouldn't you lie? Makes no sense. They don't care, you can tell the lie once at interview and never mention it again.
End result you have a job and are making some money at least.

>Walk around your city and find places that are now closed
>Call every number you can related to the business and make sure it just rings or the number no longer works
>Say you worked there as a manager for however long and go with that
Or you can ride/driver for uber or doordash

Because niggers lie. I'm not going to be a nigger. I'd rather die. There's no point to lie for one, and two if you get caught a few weeks later, then you lose your fucking job that you would've gotten anyway without lying. If they want me to lie, should I lick the bottom of their boots too, for the privilege of scrubbing toilets and scraping dried up grease off a grill? Seriously, fuck that and fuck them

The alternative is you don't have a job and thus are less than a nigger or even latin bean

dude, no. you're just lazy. entry-level employers are aware that many applicants will have no previous job experience. they're not retarded. but if still you're worried about a resume, then make an entry-level style saying why you want to work.

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might actually try that

i mean a shit, service cuck job. i mean literally anything. but they still ask for a resume and previous experience, so they'd never hire me ( unless i can pull off a lie)

I've been programming since I was 15, luckily most tech jobs don't focus that much on your degree but rather your skills so i applied for a junior position telling them I had already got my computer science degree and they hired me, didn't even asked to see my degree. Now I've got 2 years of work experience in programming and I get weekly job offers on LinkedIn. Its alright to lie if you know its a job you'll be good at

These jobs don't care if you have experience. How else do you get experience if even the lowest level jobs won't hire you? I fucking hate you all

one of my friends was a manager at a coffee shop, and he literally says he would throw out resumes that have no work experience in them unless they're a high school student

i think the reality is im completely fucked unless im dishonest in some way about having work experience

but i dont know how to even pull off a lie like that without getting immediantly caught

having no experience is fine if you're a high school student

as soon as you're not that anymore, it's a total red flag

They hire niggers, felons, drug addicts. I worked with a manager that was smoking weed in the back. Do you think they give a fuck if you haven't worked in 5-10 years? They need workers

>coffee shop
>throws out resumes
sounds like your friend is a pretentious dick. why don't you network with him to help you find a job?
i didn't say anything about lying, user. i wouldn't be dishonest either because employers don't like that. there many examples on how to make a resume without any work experience.

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>red flag
you're retarded. the same places that hire felons or people on work-release programs don't give a shit how long you've been out of work. drink bleach.

It's called high turnover rate. They always need new workers. They don't give a fuck. They are using you as a slave to make themselves money. You are replaceable. They don't care about your fucking experience and college degree. I hate you guys so much. I hate this site. Fuck my life

What's your degree user? Have you literally never had a job before? How old are you? Consider going to I don't know.. a temp work agency? You know a place whose job it is to link employers with potential employees (You)

i've not been "out" of work, i've never worked. that's the issue

i really wish you were right user. i'd fucking LOVE if you were right

but you aren't. they shouldn't care about experience, but they do

there's a reason i've resorted to asking for advice on Cred Forums

in this situation lying is not immoral. its simply a means to an end.
its a shit job he will quit as soon as he finds a better one. its always easier to get a new job while you are employed

Stop assuming shit. Stop turning this around on me. You said the dumb shit. Lying is a stupid fucking idea, even for an entry level job. Stop being stupid. This is why the world is fucked

>i really wish you were right user. i'd fucking LOVE if you were right
>but you aren't. they shouldn't care about experience, but they do
>there's a reason i've resorted to asking for advice on Cred Forums
You can get a fucking entry level job. Look into a temp agency like dipshit user said
It's immoral and stupid. If they do any research, you will get fired. Back to square one. It's just as stupid as people kissing their bosses ass to get ahead, instead of just doing a good job. Be a good fucking person, or fucking kys

>How old are you?

>Have you literally never had a job before?
yes. living with my parents right now not paying rent, but feel guilty and horrible about it every hour of every day

>Consider going to I don't know.. a temp work agency?
do you think that'd help? surely people with experience would be put miles before me

everyone here is giving you advice, but you sound like you're just making excuses.
>out of work vs. never worked
it's the shit thing for employers, user.

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i really dont feel guilty about lying. it's just more that i'd get caught really easily. how would i lie on a resume, when they'd have to get a payment slip and call a reference to confirm it?

That picture looks like me

could easily get one of my friends to fake the reference call

but i feel like making a fake payment slip would be fraud right ? like a full on crime

im listening to it all

but a lot of it is "nah it's easy they dont care that u've never worked" when they so clearly do

ok leaving the thread now

im going to keep applying for the shittest jobs possible and hope for the best i guess

if i dont get an interview in a month, ill start lying my ass off. maybe ill get lucky and one wont do background checks. desperate times call or desperate measures and all that

to any underage fags reading this thread:


dont become me

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You're me!

temp agency, you fucking moron

Don't you have agencies to find work for you? The agencies in the UK don't require not care about experience, they'll find you work